Why I am a Trauma Recovery Coach

Trauma is not always recognized; I certainly did not realize that I had experienced trauma, nor did I realize I carried trauma. The anxiety and depression, the crippling fear of failure, the overly critical voices in my head, I had lived with them for so long that I assumed they were just me. And since I had lived with them for so long, I also assumed everyone had the same or similar “companions”. When I started working on myself and healing from the pain of my past, I became an entirely different person - the kind of person I wouldn’t recognize because life was easier, I was happy, healthy and I felt safe.

Healing isn't easy, if you'd like to work with me check out my 12-week Trauma Recovery Program.

What is trauma?

The thing to remember is that trauma isn’t the event – the accident, the abuse, the assault, but rather the emotional and physiological response to the event. When something scary happens, our bodies respond by trying to be safe – this can be either running away or fighting, these are normal responses but when we are unable to respond to an event in this way, our bodies get stuck in this mode of trying to find safety. This might show up as an exaggerated response to a situation that reminds us of the trauma. Trauma lives in our bodies which is why before working on processing the trauma, it is important to create safety within the body.

Trauma is not just big events, even smaller instances can cause us to feel imbalanced and on edge, especially as children. Mental health stigma and the belief that anyone experiencing difficulties is not strong enough or is too sensitive, often make us think that the trauma is our fault or just who we are. This is what I thought for the longest time. The shame associated with this might also make it difficult for many to reach out and seek professional help, or even talk to supportive friends and family.

I did not realize what trauma meant, I did not realize my childhood had anything to do with it, as far as I know, my parents loved me and that should have been enough. The fact that they also abused me with physical punishments and emotional manipulation did not seem relevant or even abuse. This is what most people from my culture did and continue to do even now. As an adult, I chose unhealthy, abusive relationships, and terrible jobs that made me miserable and I was never happy or satisfied. I woke up dreading the day ahead, wondering how bad it would be, I ate to fill the emptiness and smoked to fill the void. But I did not realize I had trauma.

How do childhood wounds cause problems for adults?

As children, we are often unable to process big emotions and difficult situations. This becomes even harder when the person causing the trauma is someone we love. Human children are helpless and are dependent on their parents for everything. The bond that forms can color our vision. If our parent hurts us, intentionally or unintentionally, we believe this is our fault somehow because the parent can not be wrong. As we grow older, we might realize this is not our fault, but certain behaviors are formed that continue to be a part of our reality even as adults.

Guilt – if your parent often made you feel guilty, this will become a part of who you are – you might find yourself unable to create and honor boundaries, find it difficult to ask for help, and find it painful and scary to be yourself.

Abandonment – if your parents abandoned you or did not take care of you, as an adult you might find it difficult to have meaningful relationships because you are worried about “getting too close”, being hurt and people finding out who you are. You might also become very needy in a relationship to make sure the person does not leave you.

Betrayed – if you were abused by your parents, you will most likely develop a deep mistrust of the people around you. When the people that were meant to keep you safe did not, you learn that you, your body, and the world are not safe. Please remember, abuse is not only sexual and physical, emotional, and financial but spiritual abuse is also very real and sadly, often unrecognized.

Neglect – if your needs were not met as a child, or as an adult, you might feel like it is not safe to be yourself. Neglect is not just physical; children need emotional care as much as physical and when these needs are not met, they can cause us to believe we are too much or that we should not feel what we feel.

Inner child healing is the most profound work I have ever done and I have an amazing 6-week course to help you through it too!

Trauma in cases of childhood is often generational. Your parents are raising you the way they knew – the way they were raised. For most of us, the truth is that our parents love us even when they cause us pain and suffering. It is likely that they do not because they never learned how to love themselves.

As adults with childhood trauma, we continue to repeat the patterns of our childhood because the mind is looking for a way to stop or end the pattern. Until we heal the child, the pattern will return. Challenging and working on childhood trauma can be life-altering because when you heal your body and your wounds, you create a blank canvas and a safe space – you get to be who you are, without the fears, guilt, shame, and pain. This is the transformation I saw in myself and why I became a coach – because as I healed, I became who I was meant to be and that is what I hope to help my clients achieve too.

Book a 60-minute free call to see if you'd like to work with me.