Developing Resilience

For a long time, I believed resilience meant simply being strong and carrying on, not realizing the toll this approach was taking on my body and mind. Resilience means our ability to cope with difficulty but this is not just pretending everything is fine, hiding our true emotions behind a smile, or numbing the feeling with unhealthy coping mechanisms. Rather, it is the ability to face the inevitable challenges life sends our way with effective and healthy strategies. For survivors of trauma, building resilience is an important part of our healing journeys.

Understanding Resilience

Resilience is not about being unbreakable; it’s about being adaptable and learning to thrive despite challenges. It involves cultivating a mindset that embraces growth and change. Building resilience allows trauma survivors to heal more effectively. It provides the strength to face and process painful emotions, leading to profound personal growth. Building resilience also enhances our well-being by reducing stress, enhancing emotional regulation, and fostering a sense of purpose and optimism.

Strategies for Building Resilience

Developing resilience involves a combination of mindset shifts and practical strategies. Here are some key practices that can help:

Gratitude: Cultivating gratitude has been one of the most transformative practices for me. By focusing on the positives in my life, no matter how small, I began to shift my mindset from scarcity to abundance. I began seeing people as good rather than out to get me, it changed the way I saw the world, and it helped me start to feel safe.

Community: Building a supportive community is crucial. Surround yourself with people who uplift and encourage you. Whether it’s friends, family, or support groups, having a network to lean on makes a significant difference.

Emotional Regulation: Learning to regulate emotions is a cornerstone of resilience. Techniques such as deep breathing, mindfulness, and guided meditation can help calm the mind and body. Trauma lives in the body and no amount of logic can change that, self-regulation helps create that safety in the body.

Self-Love and Self-Compassion: Developing a deep practice of self-love and self-compassion was challenging but essential. It involved acknowledging my inner critic and responding with kindness and understanding. This practice allowed me to reason with my inner critic and continue on my healing journey.

Optimism: Though the world seems to be divided into optimists and pessimists, the truth is, that we can learn to develop optimistic thinking. I know this is true because I've done it. I stuck to the label of "realist" for a long time too until I realised these are just thought patterns born of our attention and perceptions and can be changed.

Finding Meaning: A big question I had was "Why did this happen to me?" not being able to answer it was challenging. While this is not toxic positivity, finding meaning in life helped me to embrace my purpose, transform my perspective, and motivated me to keep moving forward.

Pause and Reflect: Taking the time to pause and reflect is vital. It’s important to listen to your body and mind, recognize when you need a break, and give yourself permission to rest.

I learned to use these mechanisms to swap the unhealthy ones I otherwise used. The change was slow but dramatic. I now know in my bones that no matter how bad things get, I can get through it. I also see the positive in life and believe that life is good and happy, whereas a few years ago I would only see the worst in every situation and had very little hope for my future. It has helped me expand my window of tolerance so that I can handle many situations calmly and also regulate my nervous system when it gets dysregulated (which is normal).

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Overcoming Challenges

Building resilience is not without its challenges especially if you, like me, were brought up to focus on the negative and hide all my pain behind a smile.

Inner Critic: The inner critic can be loud and persistent. Practicing self-compassion helps. Remind yourself that it’s okay to struggle and that you deserve kindness and understanding. If it helps, remember that your inner critic, just like every other part of you, is there to keep you safe in the only way it knows how.

Discomfort with New Practices: New self-care and resilience-building practices can feel uncomfortable or even silly at first. Give yourself time to adjust and be patient with the process. It’s okay to take small steps.

Consistency: Developing resilience requires consistent effort. It can be helpful to create a routine and set aside time each day for practices like mindfulness, gratitude journaling, or connecting with supportive people.

Be Gentle: The biggest aid in my journey to building resilience was being gentle with myself. It helped me to talk to myself as I would to a small child. You're learning something new and that is difficult, especially when the learning also involves unlearning decades of beliefs and behaviours.

Resources for Building Resilience

• Here are some resources that can help you on your resilience-building journey:

• Read books or articles by specialists on the subject -

• Find a mindfulness app that works for you

• Find a supportive community

• Guided meditation videos on YouTube

• Professional Help: Consider seeking support from a coach or therapist specializing in trauma and resilience.

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Building resilience is a deeply personal and transformative journey. It’s about more than just surviving; it’s about thriving and creating a life filled with meaning, joy, and self-compassion. While the path may be challenging, every step you take towards resilience is a step towards a healthier, more empowered you. Remember, resilience is not a destination but a continuous journey of growth and self-discovery. Be kind to yourself, embrace the process, and celebrate your progress along the way. You are stronger and more capable than you know.